Posted by: aauntiem | June 21, 2010

Rinse. Repeat.

Sometimes, on the days when my sweetest dreams fade into reality without the slightest shift in atmospheric pressure, I awake well past 8 o’clock and float stumble down my stairs and peek over the banister to find a sink without dishes and a dishwasher mid cycle.

The fact that 8 o’clock seems like sleeping in aside, these mornings are perfect.

On these mornings, I always rub my sleepy eyes and then hesitantly peek over the banister again (hoping, oh…hoping) to make sure that I did, in fact, wake up because I know, know deep in my soul, that I left that mountain of dirty dishes and goo on the counter from last night’s dinner and baking soiree.

I have never once looked again to find that it was a kitchen mirage. Sometimes, I am just magically blessed with house elves and a kitchen fairy that look awfully similar to a man I married.

Once I get over the sheer giddiness of the picture of cleanliness that surrounds me, I always dance around the house in my PJs trying to locate this man-fairy (wait, that came out all wrong). I find him in the garage working on shelf organization, or fishing poles, or car something or another. Possibly, he is doing homework upstairs. And, then, I kiss this man until he tells me to go brush my teeth.

This picture of awesomeness occurred on Saturday.

For the dishes I made on,

gulp,

Thursday night.

Wrap that around your mind.

Saturday, Picasso’s father and mother came over with my niece so that Picasso and I could re-design the website for her Wedding Florist company. That evening, his brother and his gang of three came over (so smarty pants brother could speak with smart pants Picasso about meta-tags and embedded image descriptions and Lunar eclipses and shark bites or whatever else nerds discuss in the company of other nerds).

Suddenly, dinner for 98 people was on.

My niece and I baked a pie, made some fresh lemonade, roasted chickens, sautéed a Brussels sprout salad, made a couscous salad for the vegetarians, and rocked out some awesome dinner rolls.

I want you to imagine me in charge of an eight year old in a kitchen. Take what you know about my messiness and multiply it times eight-years-old (so add a factor of one).

After dinner I wanted to sit on the floor and clap at our masterpiece or go sleepy-sleepy-night-night, instead I got back up and made her a blog page for the website.

After midnight, my mother-in-law, sensing what was best for me, nudged me downstairs to clean up my mess while the two nerds continued to embed images with something very important.

Really, the smart people had already gone to sleep, home, or both.

I stood there in my own mess and almost cried.

Then, I put on my big girl pants, tied them because they wanted to fall off, and went to work washing dishes.

Let the record show that I refused to dry them. There was a hefty pile of stacked dishes and towels.

Yesterday, I made cheesecake with whipped cream, blueberry sauce, and chocolate sauce (Happy Father’s Day Dad). Plus, Picasso made waffles for breakfast. Plus, we made lunch.

The sink looked like…well, it looked like I had been there.

Again.

So, Picasso told me to put on my big girl pants and tie them tight. He washed. I went to work drying all those dishes.

And. Last night it hit me.

My life is dirty dishes.

And grocery shopping.

Rinse. Repeat.

Washing dishes is ineffective.

Lets destroy the earth instead of my sanity. I propose that I only make kitchen messes with paper, plastic, and that aluminum throw away bake pan stuff.

This is AuntieM and I am running for president.

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