Posted by: aauntiem | May 14, 2010

Here she is, Miss Ree Drummond: The Pioneer Woman Saga, Numero Tres

By the time 4:00 o’clock rolled around and it was time for me to duck out of work, I was already becoming a nervous ball of energy.

“Did you print directions?”

“No, I assumed you would.”

“You are the planner.”

“True, but I drive you get directions.”


So typical Jay/Auntie M fashion we had to pull over and park in some random spot while the I-Phone mapped us 12 minutes from where we were—you know, because I’ve only lived here my whole life.

And, again in typical Jay/AuntieM fashion, we were yapping away about who knows what and missed our 408 exit. Luckily, that dang blue dot can get me anywhere or else we might have driven to the Barnes and Noble in Iowa.

No matter. We arrived by 4:30 and decided to scope out the situation.

We left the PW Plane Survival Kit, camera, and books in the car. We, naively, assumed that we were early enough to meander and grab a snack or something.

And, boy were we wrong.

The Barnes and Noble event planner assured us that we needed to get in line ASAP. So, I made my way through the line that wrapped its way through an entire isle of bookshelves and parked myself at the end of the line.

I made in behind the cutest look-alike mom and daughter pair you had ever seen and a gorgeous blond with curls.

See, at least someone was smart enough to bring snacks and a refreshing beverage.

Jay, slugging a mound of stuff, played macro/polo until she found me.

Now, there is something I should tell you about my BF. See, Jay is quite possibly the most impatient person (for lines, not life stuff) you might ever meet. She vibrates with energy. This explains the fact that she randomly bites people (love taps, really), smacks a thigh, pinches elbow skin, sticks fingers in an ear, just something to keep her moving. In summer time when we lay out she is up, down, over, sideways, in multiple books.

This goes to say that the moment she set her stuff down she was off and running, not to get snacks like a helpful person, but to read some magazines and generally play with the books in the store.

Not five minutes later we had to Marco/polo her back because the line was moving.

We wove in and out of bookcases, because apparently I am a follower and not a leader, as the smart girl behind us just waited for the line to catch back up with her.

See, the smart one is the girl in blue waiting patiently for Jay to put the book down.

Once the line started moving we were off. I had at first imagined that we were lucky to arrive when we did, as there didn’t seem to be that many people ahead of us. By the time I reached the top of the escalator I figured out just how wrong I was.

All the seats were full and we were ushered to the standing room in the sides. We ended up being on the side closest to Ree and had a great spot, but I was worried for a moment.  There, we made a deal with the event men so that my mom could make it up with us.

So, we waited, and Jay went and found a table to sit on and a book to smell.

They closed off the top, as we made it in by only one other group, and Jay had to talk to some people because they wouldn’t let mom up (I never do that kind of talking, she is the boss-lady that way).

Then, we waited some more. And, we waited. Then we messed up their line system, got all disbobbled, talked to neighbors, eyed pretty babies, and waited. I complained for the love of gum. And, we waited. Jay tried to steal Ree’s snacks. And, we waited. I promise that from here on out when I am going to some sort of obsession Q/A session I will have H2O and gum, amen.

My friend E showed up to. But, she was not into taking pictures.

All of the sudden flash bulbs started and Ree had arrived downstairs. To our surprise, she brought her daughters with her.

Now everyone was nerves and badbreath. But, we still had to play a waiting game while she got settled.

She made her way up and she really was REE—

shy looking, bubbly, nervous, hilarious, and a little amazed that she found herself here with everyone wanting to meet her.

The first question in the session was sink or swim, as the audience member asked her to sing her Ethel Merman impersonation.

You could see that she was not quite ready, that she thought about running from the room, but she was brave and she belted out her song. She stopped halfway-through and corrected, made a joke about pit sweat and spanx, and continued.

And, in that room full of 100 plus people, with a line that wrapped around downstairs, it was just like it was on the blog, like PW was there—like I had know this woman forever and we were friends.

People continued asking questions and she continued being nervous. Jay, being the hard nose reporter, asked the question we all wanted to know but did not want to ask, if blogging had become the full time job and rancher-wife second. She answered the question; she answered them all.

But, what she was waiting for, what she shined at, was the face to face conversation with just a fan or two.

So, she sat down with her iced latte and sharpie and went to work. She took pictures of babies and the fans she found interesting. She laughed and relaxed.

We waited again, and the excitement grew (except for E, (who decided to show her face) b/c of all her years in PR…she was too cool for skool).

I had spent so much time thinking of what to get Ree that I had forgotten to think at all of what to say to her. And, I continued making small talk to those around me, continued not to think on it. It was like waiting for a ride at Disney—its all jitters until they throw you around, then you just react.

I was nervous. Foot tappin, nail bittin nervous!

By the time we had written our name on the sticky notes and made it to the almost-gonna-see-Ree-line Jay and I were visibility twinkly eyed.

My momma and my friend E were excited but it just wasn’t the same somehow. I think it must be my middle school girl personality. I am all crushes and obsessions (twilight, Harry Potter, tv shows, books, you name it…well except bands).  I actually jump and clap when I read books, I was practically jumping by the time it was my turn.

About five people before our spell her youngest daughter came and grabbed her camera and took off. So, no pictures.

Jay went first. Jay, my BF who can take all the air in a room and turn it to laughter. She dazzled Ree. Ree loved her hair, she made her laugh, it was like magic (Ree wanted to take a picture of Jay’s fiery hair, but no camera).

I mean, I was thinking so un-clearly at this point that I didn’t even focus!

Then, it was my turn and I was all silence and bad high school geek crushing on the popular girl. I could barley talk to her. I didn’t really get in there for a photo, and I was all “I brought you this” kind of weirdness.  It was like a switch turned off and any cool that resides in my body just died.

In fact, I am pretty sure that it works a lot like serotonin and X—Ree depleted my share of cool and it may take months for it to come back.

But, I tried really hard to forget that I was an awkward human being and  instead tried to focus on how much fun I had.

We went downstairs and we were fooling around with our tech equipment when Jay high tailed it to the bathroom because she had gotten world Ree and co. was in there.

That’s right, she said, as we were leaving, I stalked her into the bathroom.

The B&N customers that overheard just stared at her like she was crazy and we laughed our way out of the Ree signing.

Still Dazed and Confused,




  1. Thats right world, Ree and I peed together…don’t hate! M, your blog rocks so hard and I am sure Ree would be proud.

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