Posted by: aauntiem | April 21, 2010

SOS to the World and Fruit Pizza

I am pretty sure we all knew before this week that I might have been a squirrel in another life, that when desperate times call for desperate measures I am in the one in the corner storing acorns in my cheeks.

As these are desperate times, I am finding it hard to tell you this for all the dang nuts in my mouth right now.

Wait, that sounded so much different than I intended.

Ignore that.

You catch my metaphor.

Not that one, get your head in the game and out of the gutter.

Moving on.

As I said, for the last couple of days I have basically gone from totally fine to shoveling everything into my mouth. It is so bad that yesterday in the office when I ran out of carrot sticks I gnawed on the furniture.

Here is the thing though. I know I am a crazy person when I do it. There is no United States of Tara moment where I come back to myself clueless to the fact that I was just running around calling myself Buck or eating cheez-its at an alarming rate.

I am Completely conscience of my insanity.

Does that make me more or less insane? Are people that are ignorant to their crazy less nuts than those of us running around with a detailed history–including notes, dates of admittance, and a monthly pass–of our neuroses? These are the questions I ponder as I inhale tonka trucks, PB&J sandwiches, and other small objects that I can easily fit into my mouth without choking.

So I know I am crazy and I do it anyway. I think that does make me more nutz-o.My nutz-o goes a little like this…

Lets play a game called conversation:

me: What are you doing right now? You are just emotionally eating, you aren’t even hungry.

(my hands: Cut slices of jalapeno jack reduced fat white cheddar strips. Place on reduced fat cracker. Add half of a golden fig. Add smidgen of homemade apple butter. Carry concoction to mouth. Alternate between crackers and legos. Repeat.)

to myself: I am so hungry. I am starving like the Ethiopian baby on one of those donation commercials right now and you are denying me the joy of eating my legos in peace.

me: This is such a bad idea. Legos don’t even taste good and plastic is bad for the environment. I thought you were going to try and be more green and eco conscious. Now — you are just being waste-FUL!

to myself: Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. These are the best most nutritious legos EVER!

Needless to say, this is a vicious cycle that just ends with a tummy ache.

So, I am wracking my brain trying to come up with solutions to pull me from the edge of a stomach pump.

And, I am doing all the “right things:” I have plenty of good food, I am exercising, I take walks to try and calm down. Despite all of this I have seemingly taken a one way ticket to crazy town.

I’ll let you know how the job market is there.

In the meantime, send help fast.

I’ll leave you with my to-die for fruit pizza recipe. Just because I am eating children’s toys doesn’t mean you have to. In better days this is a go-to bring to a party/summery dessert recipe.

Yummy Fruit Pizza
4 Weight Watcher Points per slice, serves 12

16 1/2 oz sugar cookie(s), refrigerated dough, softened (like Pillsbury)

8 oz fat-free cream cheese

1/2 cup(s) SPLENDA No Calorie Sweetener

1 tsp vanilla extract

1/2 cup(s) blueberries

1/2 cup(s) raspberries

1/4 cup(s) Smucker’s Sugar Free Apricot Preserves

3 tbsp. water

1/2 cup(s) strawberries

1. Heat oven to 350F. Spary12-inch pizza pan with cooking spray. In pan, “roll” out dough with your fingers, pressing evenly until it resembles a pizza crust

2. Bake 10-12 minutes or until golden brown. Let the crust cool completely, about 30 minutes. No Cheating or it will ruin the cc and make a giant big-ol mess. So, go do what ever it is you do and then come back.

3. In small bowl, beat cream cheese, splenda and vanilla with electric mixer on medium speed until fluffy. Half the strawberries and prepare the fruit.

4. Spread cream cheese  mixture over cooled crust. Arrange fruit over cream cheese– make a pretty design so its all fancy! I love fancy.

5.. Heat preserves with water. One its gets good and liquid instead of jelly like so ahead and strain it a small bowl. You want to only have juice for the glaze and not chunk of apricot.

6. Spoon or brush the apricot glaze over your fruit.

7. Refrigerate until chilled, about one hour. Cut into wedges, slices, or squares. Store in refrigerator after serving.

Here is the recipe card

Auntie M

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