Posted by: aauntiem | April 1, 2010

A State of Emergency

This just in: AuntieM’s life has been declared a natural disaster area.

I need some sort of bailout.

The fateful series of unfortunate events leading to my demise are as follows:

1. Last Thursday I ate concrete.

    2. Car Accident on Friday evening, just before going to an event with all of Picasso’s colleagues (ie: I was frantic and late, calling with “uh, umm, uh, honey…your car…”

      Dear wheel, you were so good to me. You saved my little Nina from a sheer and sudden death. I am sorry that man did not pay attention or take you into consideration. He just ran right into you. We will give you a hero’s burial, the only kind worthy of you…

      3.  Sunday-mud-day, followed by nasty blisters.

        4. Monday morning, running late, I knocked a giant candle onto the floor when getting out of the shower and shattered glass. I proceeded to step on glass (same foot as blister).

        5. Scatter in some Hellacious grading.

        6. Tuesday evening, after job #1, I taught Kingston to a bunch of  disinterested college juniors and seniors that really just wanted to stop class and argue about the grades I had given out 30 minutes before.

          By Wednesday evening, I might have been on the verge of a mental episode when it came to our attention that the refried beans need to make tostadas were in fact still sitting on a shelf in the grocery store.

          I did the only thing left to do.

          I made a double layer lemon cake.

          CAUTION: this is not low fat cooking. Back slowly away or proceed at your own risk.

          Note: Whatever the case maybe, don’t say I led you here. I don’t suggest eating lemon cake unless it is absolutely necessary for your sanity.

          Note:  this is the second cake I have made in a week. The first, a yippie for Jay making her way to roller rocksterdom, fell in the oven and came out really ugly. I couldn’t give it to her that way. This resulted in:

          a cake on my counter –>leading to two slices eaten –> proceeded by using a life line (ie: “Jay, I can’t seem to be able to step away from the cake.” “THROW IT AWAY NOW. POUR BLEACH ON IT. JUST DO IT” she commanded (She is very commanding. She missed her calling really; she would have been the most bitchin dom or army officer or personal trainer ever… funny how they are so similar in my mind it’s hard to decide.) –> THE RESULT:  life line prompted me to dump it in the garbage and pour dish soap on it.

          Note: I am officially crazy.

          So, if you feel like you can’t live without it here is a way to induce a food coma within an hour.

          Layered Lemon Cake (adapted from the BHG one here)

          Now, like I said, this is a cheat version. If you want to make it from scratch, you are gonna need to go look it up in your Better Homes and Garden’s Cookbook.

          Otherwise, cheat, and make it with a boxed cake (either classice white, yellow, or lemon).

          Preheat your oven to 350 ˚ and go ahead and grease two 8 in. cake pans or 24 cupcake tray. Set aside.

          To make the cake I used:

          Go ahead and pour the mix into a deep mixing bowl.

          Next, skip what the box says and add:

          4 eggs instead of 3 (room temperature if you can wait for it, I’ll understand if you can’t. I didn’t)

          1 cup of butter milk (reduced fat is fine, that is what I had)

          1/3 cup of oil

          The zest of one lemon

          2 tsp of lemon juice or 1 tsp of lemon extract

          Mix it until blended, about 30 seconds. Then turn your mixer up and blend for about 1 minutes, or until your cake batter becomes thick (watch it here, you beat too long and it becomes like brick…I might know from experience).

          Pour the batter evenly between your two cakes. Bake for about 20 minutes or until a tooth pick inserted into the center comes out clean.

          Meanwhile, make your frosting:

          Finely shred 1 teaspoon lemon peel and sqeeze lemon for 2 tsp of juice; set aside.

          In your cleaned out mixing bowl, add ¾ cup of softened (if necessairy microwave for 10 seconds) butter (a stick and a half).

          Beat until light and fluffy. Leaving the mixer on, add in two cups of powdered sugar.

          Beat (it will be thick and might spray in your face…remember my horrible icing incident).

          Slowly add in 1/3 cup of creamer or milk and 1 tsp of vanilla. Let it beat, helping it along by clearing the sides.

          Now, it should be a little soup. Add 2 tsp of lemon juice. Beat.

          Then, continue to add powdered sugar (about 2-3 more cups) until it is nice, light, and delicious. Stir in lemon peel.

          Cool cakes in pans on wire racks for 10 minutes. Remove cakes from pans. Cool thoroughly on wire racks.

          To assemble, place a cake layer on a cake plate. Spread with half the frosting. Top with second layer. Frost top and sides with Frosting. Devour a piece and then give it to your neighbor or your lover.

          If all else fails, toss it and coat with bleach—that’ll keep you away from it.

          Auntie M



          1. That really makes me want lemon cake now. Hope things are calming down for you after that wacko week!

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